Letters to Our Son
by goldengreaser
Summary: On Ponyboy's 18th Birthday his parents have left him one last gift, a letter from each of them.


**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Ponyboy sighed looking at the two envelopes sitting before him then looked back up at his two brothers. "They wrote that for you, for when you turned eighteen. Soda got one too." Darry explained. Ponyboy felt shaky and his palms sweated.

"I don't think I can read them yet." Sodapop gave his brother a swift hug.

"It's okay Pone, you can read them when you ready." He said.

Ponyboy looked back at the letters. He wasn't sure if he could ever be ready to read them. If he didn't read them now he may never open them. He may never know what his parents had to say. "I think I better go a head and read them."

"Do you want to be alone?" Darry asked. When Ponyboy nodded his brother ruffled his hair affectionately. "Okay then little buddy. Happy Birthday."

"Thanks." When Darry and Soda had left the room Ponyboy opened the letter from his mother. His hands trembled as he read.

_To my precious Ponyboy,_

_I love you honey, more then you can ever begin to know. It hurts me to think I might ever leave you but if you are reading this then I am gone. First of all know I love you so much. You are and always will be my baby, even if you don't want to here it. _

_There are so many things I would like to say to you but I do not have the time. I can only tell you so much. Firstly don't change. You are wonderful the way you are. Ponyboy I know you feel like you must act tough like the rest of the boys but it is not necessary._

_You are a strong and brave young man. I have never known any young man as sensitive or as pensive as you and that is okay. You do not realize yet how rare these qualities are. Keep them Ponyboy. You will find that they help you along the way. I know you don't want to here this but the girls love it._

_Stay gentle. Fighting only leads to trouble. I know how you and the boys love your little rumbles but life is about so much more. If you do nothing but fight you miss out on all the good this world has to offer. _

_I hope you always love to read and to learn. I can only pray that somehow you are at a collage or university. Work hard so that you can leave this place. You deserve so much better then you or your father could ever give you._

_I have nothing much to give you. I certainly can not promise you money or anything like that. So I leave to you the one thing of value I own that will mean something to you, my piano. I remember when you were a little boy banging out notes, sitting on my lap. As you got older you became so good a musician. I loved to play with you._

_As you got even older I know you were embarrassed a little to play and only did so in secret. It made me laugh but it also upset me. I can confess I loved to play with you. You have such an ear for music. Please play again._

_I want your house to be filled with music and laughter. Please do that for me Ponyboy. Be brave, be strong and love life. I can no longer enjoy it with you but know I am looking down on you._

_I remember holding you that day in the hospital. You were so tiny and you just curled into me. You were my baby, my Pony. Please stay that way. I love you just the way you are, spacey and all._

_There are so many things about you I will miss. I'll miss your laughter when you had a tickle fight with your brothers. I'll miss the way your little ears turn red when your embarrassed, just like your father._

_But don't be sad for me baby. I know I am happy and that I can still see those things. Someday we will be together again. Until then don't be sad. I can't stand to see any of my boys sad. Your smile is to beautiful to not share with the world._

_Life is short, live it Ponyboy. Live it and love it. I know you will make me the proudest mother that has ever been. I love you Ponyboy. I can not say it enough._

_Happy Birthday,_

_Love always Mom_

Ponyboy bit his lip. He traced his mother's beautiful cursive letters carefully. If he closed his eyes he was sure he could hear her voice speaking these words to him, soft and sincere. If he breathed deep enough he could almost smell her. She had smelt of fresh backed cookies and flowers. It was cliché but true. Ponyboy missed that.

He had to bite his lips and breath deeply just so he would not cry. He could not, would not let himself cry. Taking a deep breath Ponyboy looked over at the piano, her piano. He had not actually set down to play it in years.

He stopped after she died. It brought back to many memories that he just couldn't bare to think of. That and Steve had made fun of him, called his a pansy and a sissy for being into it. But every now and again when nobody was looking he'd absently pluck a key and imagine himself on the bench with his mother. He could almost here hear singing in her rich alto tones. _"You are my sun shine my only sunshine………", _almost.

Heaving a sigh Ponyboy turned his attention to the letter from his father. He wasn't sure if he could stomach it but he knew he had to. Ponyboy carefully unfolded the paper from the envelope and stared at scribbles so identical to Sodapop's, spelling mistakes and all.

_Hey Sport,_

_If you're reading this then I've kicked the bucket; bit the big one; breathed my last; am six feet under. Sorry kiddo I know that wasn't very funny. I just hate to say the actual thing. I hope you never have to read my letter or your mother's but if you do read carefully._

_Seriously though buddy, I love you. I don't know what to say, you know I aint never been all too good with words or goodbyes. So here goes it._

_Be brave kiddo. Stand up for what you believe in. When you see a wrong right it. This doesn't necessarily mean for you fight but say something. Stand tall Ponyboy. I know things are not the way you want them to be now but someday they will be better. Don't ever let anyone put you down._

_I love you, you're my baby, my little guy. We've had some good times you and I. I can't say I've always got you, we're two different people but I wouldn't change a thing about you kid. You're not a kid anymore though._

_You're eighteen today, a man. I hate to think I'm not there with you but I reckon I'm watching you. I hope your every bit as brave and smart as you always have been. I guess you're a bit spacey but man kid are you a smart one. I never could have had your grades._

_And being dreamy and all that, it's a good way to be. I love the way you look at things son. Keep taking your time. Too much of life is spent going too fast. Enjoy life kiddo; you never know how long you have it for._

_I remember the first time I held you. You were the tiniest baby I had ever seen in my life. But you had the biggest little grip on you .It was love at first sight. I remember the first time you said "Dada" I was so happy. Your mom and your brothers and you, I love you more then anything that has or will be. _

_I hope you get to feel that way someday. There is no other feeling like it in this whole world. I hope you are a wonderful father and husband. I can't say if I've been either to you but I hope I have._

_I really have nothing I can give you sport, except advice. Never hit women or children, especially your. It's not manly at all, it disgusts me. Don't be afraid to tell somebody you love them. You never know when you could lose your chance._

_Don't be afraid to cry though. You keep everything bottled up and you blow just like a balloon. I'll let you on a secret, real men cry. I cried for joy the first time I held you and your brothers._

_Well I love you sport. I hope I see you on the other side. I'll be the angel with a rainbow gown and purple socks. Just joking again. I want you to remember me laughing Ponyboy. Laughter makes life easier. Don't be up tight, live laugh and love._

_Love always,_

_Dad_

Ponyboy again felt like crying. His dad was being serious and yet still his funny self. He could here his father's laughter and warm voice as if the man was standing behind him. He could picture him grinning just like Soda.

Ponyboy sighed and put his head in his hands. His shoulders shook. Here came the water works. He didn't want to cry but he needed to cry. And for once it was somehow okay. A strong firm hand fell on his left shoulder followed by a lighter on his right.

"'Are you okay buddy?"

"I'm fine. I just miss them is all."

He felt the right shoulder pulled tighter. "I do to, It helps though, knowing they still……."

"Yeha." Ponyboy sniffled then stood up. He eyed his mother's piano, his now. Taking a deep breath he walked over and sat down on the bench.

"Are you sure kiddo?" Darry asked. Ponyboy nodded. He flexed his fingers and began to let the keys float notes from his fingertips.

And slowly he and his brothers began to sing their mother's favorite lullaby. "You are my sunshine my only sunshine…………………….."


End file.
